and my forehead.
Despite extensive research and dozens of semi-enlightening infographic repins on the matter, I still haven't the slightest idea of how to compose a socially acceptable 'About Me Page.' Then, as I was shaving my legs one morning (as most of my inspiration comes to me during hair removal while being seduced by the sweet aroma of Caress' Passionate Spell) it dawned to me: To hell with the strategically thought out infographics composed from well photoshopped stock images! What better content for my About Me Page than a handful of carefully chosen Me-isms and anecdotes?
So here we go!
1. The meaning of "Yumm..." This word is used quite a bit in my blog, my social media posts and in my life. I feel that if you don't understand what this word means to me, you'll never understand me as a person or as a creative being.
- Yumm... must always be used with a double 'm' and an ellipsis or else it loses its power to confuse and disturb.
- Yumm... differs in meaning depending on the context. It can mean 'Cool' (because just saying the word cool is for the basic b*tches or the baby boomers). Mostly it means 'Cool Story Brah' and is used in place of 'cool story brah' so as not to be overtly rude.
- Sometimes Yumm... is just used to infuse even more discomfort into an already sufficiently awkward silence. In this way I find it to be the most effective.
2. When I Say: "I need you to get off my tits."
It Really Means: I know you're right, but I don't feel like admitting it, so I'm just going to pretend I'm angry and make a semi-awkward reference to my bosom, thereby foregoing any admission of fault. Feel free though, to humbly accept defeat and change the subject.
3. When I Say: "Sir, I need you to calm yourself down."
It Really Means: I need you to shut the pho up.
Speaking of Pho...
4. Never anger an Asian manicurist. Her cousin will most likely spit in your pho. This is just one of the many (conspiracy) theories I have about life. Ya know?
5. I'm seriously considering dying my hair an obnoxious color because I'm going through yet another identity crisis. I try to remind myself that the last time I had a quarter-life-crisis I dyed my hair purple and went swimming in chlorine. Did my hair transform into a grotesque shade of green horrifyingly reminiscent of mold? Yes. Yes it did. Did the incident occur just one week before senior prom? Yes. Yes it did. Take a moment, if you will, to imagine those prom pics. #treasuredmemories
6. I believe that Everyone can sing. It's just that not everyone can sing, you know, well...
7. Make no mistake, just because I'm ambiguously brown, does NOT mean I'm hispanic. Please don't ask me how to pronounce this word: Oaxaca. I took French in high school for a reason: When I try to roll my R's, I sound like a drowning pirate.
8. I find political correctness to be both mentally and physically draining. That's where the dark circles really come from.
9. Oh yeah, and this is my favorite shirt:
To all five of you who made it this far in the idiotic About Me section, YOU are my Glen Coco! Whatever the pho that means.
Thank you so much for reading and remember: Don't Just Wear Makeup, Let that b*tch Inspire You!
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